


But I Guess I'll Leave That Up To You

by starrywolf101



Series: Angsty Fun Times! [12]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Gay Character, Caring, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Friendships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Is Gay, Feelings, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gay, Gay Male Character, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Music, Intrusive Thoughts, Lies, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, Logic | Logan Sanders-centric, Love, Male Friendship, Men Crying, One Shot, One of My Favorites, Parent Deceit | Janus Sanders, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Sad, Sad Logic | Logan Sanders, Sad with a Happy Ending, Songfic, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:48:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21736318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrywolf101/pseuds/starrywolf101
Summary: Logan is forgotten and picked on by his friends day in and day out.But what happens when someone else steps in and offers him a deal that he can't possibly refuse?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: Angsty Fun Times! [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/906231
Comments: 8
Kudos: 164





	But I Guess I'll Leave That Up To You

Logan had a routine. He had a schedule set out for the day, every day. 

In the morning, he sat at the breakfast table with Virgil, Roman, and Patton. The latter two animatedly chatting, Virgil piping up every now and then to add to the conversation. Logan didn't bother to pay attention to what they were saying, instead focusing on his meal. When he finished, he quietly picks up his plate and cleans up; nobody else –as per usual– notices his absence. In the kitchen, Logan could've sworn he saw something out of the corner of his eye, but when he whips around, nothing was there. Shaking it off, Logan heads back to his room to work. There were schedules that wouldn't complete themselves.

Around noon, Thomas summons the four of them for a brainstorming session. The current problem laid heavily on the moral side of the spectrum: meaning Thomas had little use for Logan at the moment. All that he could hope was that the others allowed him to enlighten them all on both sides of the issue with some logic and reasoning. During the whole conversation, Logan could feel a pair of eyes watching him. He just wasn't sure where from…

Once the problem was resolved, all the sides make their "grand" exits to go back to work. Meaning, Logan locks himself back in his room until Patton calls him down for supper. When a topic that interests Logan pops up during the meal, he gets excited and accidentally starts on a rant, only to be cut off by Roman:

"We get it, Dr. Horrible-y Nerdy."

That shuts Logan up real quick. Without finishing his meal, Logan announces that he is full; taking his leave without bothering to clean up. He can feel the pitying stares on his back, but Logan refuses to show weakness in front of them.

_"Don't get ahead of us, Microsoft… Nerd."_

_"Oh, okay, so now that you can't insult Virgil you've moved on to me."_

_"Eh, look…"_

_"It's okay, I can take it,"_

Logan doesn't know why Deceit didn't show up at the obvious lie. With a grimace, Logan shakes away the memory as he makes a beeline straight for his room.

That night, Logan works himself to the point of exhaustion as to keep away the bad thoughts. He passes out at his desk.

In the morning, he wakes up in his bed. How did he get there?! Did someone put him there, or did he get up at some point last night?

With a sigh, Logan begins to mentally rebuild his walls for the day before physically getting ready for the day. He changes, runs through his notecards, checks his facial expression in the mirror and heads out to start his day.

He goes through the schedule again. Breakfast. Work. Help Thomas. Work. Dinner. Work. Repeat.

Each night, Logan faces more and more bad thoughts. Something inside him screaming how he's not wanted. How useless he is. Each night, Logan tries to block them out by working until he passes out. Each morning, he awakens in his bed despite going unconscious at his desk just hours before. Throughout the whole thing, Logan could not get the feeling that he was being watched out of his head.

It goes on and on and on until he snaps. This time, it was from something Virgil said. There was an argument between Virgil and Roman in the evening, and Logan and Patton was trying to settle them down. He had said something or other that got Virgil to redirect his rage to the logical side; "And just what would you understand about emotions!? You're just a robot!"

Everybody froze. 

Nobody dared to make a sound.

Logan's eyes widened as tears begin to build up. Virgil's face of anger switches to one of regret immediately. 

The logical side turns tail and flees back to his room, not even staggering when he hears Virgil call after him.

He barges into his room and slams the door and snapping his fingers; instantly changing his normal clothes out for pajamas. He throws himself onto the bed.

When he realizes that nobody was coming after him, Logan curls further into his bed, buried in his unicorn onesie and several blankets. His eyes were red with unshed tears as he glared at the wall. Why didn't anybody ever listen to him!? He was literally the personification of Thomas's logic and reasoning! Everything was just so infuriating!

Great. Now he's worked himself up!

With a frustrated grunt, Logan throws off the blankets and stands up. A red-hot rage was building up in him. He was tired of being ignored and disregarded until he was suddenly useful! He was tired of being shoved to the side! He was tired of not being taken seriously! With an emotionally-charged shout, Logan throws the stack of work off his desk: notebooks are tossed across the room, paper is scattered, and writing utensils hit the floor with soft thuds. He starts pulling books out of his shelves, letting them fall to the floor. He tears his room apart; making it look like a tornado flew through it.

After a small bit, his temper tantrum resolves, only leaving a broken man to crumple to the floor, surrounded by his once orderly belongings. Throwing his tie to the ground, Logan curls up, bringing his knees to his chest as exhaustion overtakes everything. Tears prick at his eyes as their insults and dismissals towards him bubble up to the surface of his thoughts.

_"You don't know what is and is not an overreaction. Your most extreme reaction is an eyebrow raise."_

_"Logan, please, your input is not wanted here!"_

_"Oh hush, Sub-astute teacher!"_

_"Well maybe you shouldn't have been impersonated. It's your fault."_

_"Logan, can you stop."_

Logan was snapped back to the present by a hand lifting his chin up. In front of him was the crouching figure of Deceit looking… worried?

"Logan...?"

Everything in Logan screamed for him pull away from this man; this side whose main purpose is to lie and deceive: the snake of Thomas's Eden. Yet, at the same time, something in Logan yearns to lean into the comfort Deceit is seemingly providing. Not being able to choose between either of these instincts, he freezes in place, eyes wide, and puffy from crying.

"What did they do to you…?"

Deceit's question catches Logan off guard. The caring, concerned look on the other's face is one that Logan hasn't seen in a long time. That's all that it took to have the logical side bawling his eyes out; choking on ugly sobs. That's when he's pulled into an embrace by the deceitful side. Overwhelmed by emotions that he had been previously pushing down, Logan can't do anything more than latch onto Deceit for dear life as he rides the waves of emotions out.

By the end, when no more tears can be shed, Logan finds himself having a difficult time keeping his eyes open. "You can sleep now," Deceit's soft words lull Logan deeper into the world of dreams. Soon enough, Logan doesn't have any fight left in him to stay awake, and slumps forward into Deceit as his mind is carried off to sleep.

In the morning, Logan wakes up in his bed. Bolting up straight and whipping his head around, Logan discovers that his room is still a mess… which means it wasn't a dream. Does that mean that Deceit visited him last night? His question is answered when the deceitful side appears by his bedside. 

"How did you sleep?" Deceit asks, no hint of his usual sneer anywhere to be found.

Unsure of how to react, Logan just mechanically answers: "I slept well."

Deceit frowns, moving closer to Logan; sitting down on the edge of the bed and making it dip just slightly. "You haven't been yourself, lately…" Logan's eyes widened as his mouth falls open, unable to produce words. Reading the question that he couldn't seem to ask, Deceit continues on, "I've been watching you for the past while. I know that you _are totally_ happy here."

"I'm not sure what you mean," Logan states; he was once again building his walls back up. He couldn't let anybody in. He couldn't let anything out.

Sighing, Deceit looks Logan in the eyes, taking off his hat and putting it on a side table. "Right here, right now, I put the offer out. I don't want to chase you down! I know you see it," he delicately grabs Logan's hands, rubbing circles onto the backs of them. "Come back with me, and I can cut you free. Out of the drudgery and walks you keep in! We would never repress you."

He pulls Logan out of the bed, "And if it's crazy, live a little crazy! You can play it sensible, a king of conventional, or you can risk it all and see!" Deceit grins at him, but it's not threatening, nor is it menacing. It's comforting... in some strange way. "I'm offering you the key out!"

Logan pulls away, giving off his emotionless exterior. "Okay, my friend, you wanna cut me in. Well, I hate to tell you, but it just won't happen. So thanks, but no, I think I'm good to go. Cause I'm enjoying the life you say I'm trapped in.

"Don't you know that I'm okay with this uptown part I've got to play; I'm not in a cage, so I don't need to take the key." Logan tries to move past Deceit in an effort to leave his room, but the other side grabs onto his shoulder.

"Now is this really how you like to spend your days? Silence and misery, and a part to play?"

"If I were mixed up with you I'd be the talk of the mind. Disgraced and disowned, another one of the clowns."

"But you would finally live a little, finally laugh a little. Just let me give you the freedom to dream, and it'll wake you up and cure your aching. Take your walls and start 'em breaking. Now that's a deal that seems worth taking, but I guess I'll leave that up to you." Deceit puts his hat back on and walks toward the door, looking back at him, offering a hand.

Not only was Deceit fighting for him, but he was also leaving the final choice up to him. Logan felt his walls crumble down. Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Logan grabs onto Deceit's hand, allowing himself to sink out with the other. Logan appears in the dark sides' common room, almost toppling over. He wasn't used to not rising up. Deceit steadies him before leading him over to the couch.

"Is that Logi-Bear?!" He hears Remus squeal. Without any warning, Remus dives at Logan, wrapping around him in an embrace. They tumble off the couch and onto the floor. Remus is above him, grinning down happily. In that moment, everything felt surreal. He sees Deceit start to move towards them from the corner of his eye. Then, Logan lets out a laugh: a real one. He snorts as tears flow down his face. When was the last time anybody was this happy to see him?

Out of the corner of his eye, Logan watches Deceit skulk (was it really skulking, or was Logan unfairly pushing that onto him?) out of the room, leaving Remus and him alone. The aforementioned side snuggles happily against him, making a noise that could only be described as purring. Could Remus purr? Well, it kind of made sense in the way that there was no sense. Remus didn't make sense, so it made sense.

When Deceit comes back, he's got four arms and three plates. Each plate was covered in waffles; two of them had fruit and the third was drenched in chocolate syrup. "Breakfast" The deceitful side announces. Remus jumps off Logan and scrambles to a spot on the couch, bouncing excitedly as he grabs the plate coated with chocolate. Deceit helps Logan up before handing him a plate too. "Do you want to choose a movie?" He asks Logan, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch from Remus.

"O-oh… well," Logan was caught off guard. He felt embarrassed. Nobody ever really liked his choices. It was either documentaries or films that weren't packed with songs. "I'm sure you don't want me to choose…"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Remus says with his mouth full.

Deceit pinches the bridge of his nose and reminds Remus to not talk with his mouth full. He turns his attention back to Logan, "Of course we want you to choose. What's the sense in asking you if we don't mean it? We're _totally_ assholes."

"Pfft, assholes" Remus giggles.

Logan looks down at his plate, mumbling: "Well… I do find watching Big Hero 6 to be satisfying."

With a smile, Deceit snaps his fingers, turning on the tv without even touching it. Immediately, the start of Big Hero 6 starts to play. Logan allows himself to be dragged onto the couch by Remus; the Duke metaphorically attaching himself to Logan's side as they watched the movie. 

At some point during the movie, Deceit collects the empty plates and leaves before coming right back. This time, sitting right next to Logan, sandwiching him in the middle. Remus on his left. Deceit on his right. When the credits roll, Logan remembers that he was in his unicorn onesie still. Normally, he'd get self-conscious about it… but for some reason, Logan wasn't this time. Maybe it was because Deceit and Remus hadn't made fun of him for it. Or maybe it was because they never questioned Logan on his seriousness.

Logan's thoughts are halted by Remus selecting a different movie. This one was a documentary of the ocean. Logan doesn't think about how he is perceived; he doesn't think about the work that he should be doing; and he most definitely doesn't think about the others.

Noon rolls around, and Logan feels a sharp tug. Panic sets in as he realizes they're trying to summon him. His whole body goes stiff as he tries to focus on rejecting the attempted summons. Remus and Deceit most definitely notice, they share a look of worry. "I don't want to go..." Logan whimpers. Just as he's feeling at home and safe, the others go and try to ruin it. Deceit gently shushes Logan, holding onto him; embracing him with all six arms, one of his many hands playing with the logical side's hair in an effort to relax him.

" _They can't summon you,_ " Deceit whispers to him. The falsehood flows through Logan, calming him. That's the true power of Deceit, making someone believe the lies until they become true. The effect takes place almost immediately: freeing Logan from the summoning tug for at least a little while.

Logan felt so tired… He can't remember the last time he didn't pass out from sheer exhaustion; add to that the amount of emotional baggage that has been building up. The calming effect from the falsehood took over Logan's mind and body, lulling him further to sleep. Noticing this, Deceit summons a blanket to wrap around him. Unable to resist the warmth, Logan burrows deeper into the blanket.

A large crash jolts Logan awake. He doesn't remember closing his eyes and falling asleep. Though, it must've happened considering some time has passed since he was last conscious. Muffled shouting grabs the logical side's attention; he stands up and wanders over to investigate it.

Standing in the hallway was literally everyone. Deceit had his back to him, four arms out; his lowest two arms on his hips while his highest two each had one side of Creativity. Roman was held up by the collar of his jacket on Deceit's left, and Remus was held up by the scruff of his neck on Deceit's right. Patton and Virgil stood in front of them.

"Let go of me, you fiend!" Roman shouts as he squirms in Deceit's grip. "And release Logan at once! We know you've taken him from us!"

"And why would you think that?" Deceit glares at the Prince.

Virgil pulls something out of his pocket, it takes Logan a second to recognize what it is; "We found his tie in his room. The same room that was trashed." The anxious side explains; it was obvious what Virgil was implying.

Throughout the bickering, Patton stayed silent, that is until he spots a certain someone. "Logan!" Patton grins once he catches sight of the logical side peeking out from behind Deceit. All eyes turned to Logan, making him very aware of how vulnerable he both looked and felt.

Remus blows a raspberry at Roman, "Told you we didn't kidnap him!"

"Then how do you explain him being right there!?" Roman retaliates.

"Because I chose to come over here!" Logan shouts—he was tired of their arguing. Angry tears form in the corners of his eyes, but he refuses to let them fall.

Silence falls over them.

Nobody dares to breathe.

And then Patton is the first to speak up. The fatherly side's voice is soft, yet stern: "Why don't we all settle down somewhere and have a discussion like normal adults?"

Logan doesn't miss the way that Deceit's cold gaze softens at Patton's words.

They head back to the Dark Sides' common room since it was closer, and they all take seats wherever than can. The furniture was rearranged so that everyone would facing each other. Deceit and Remus each take a seat on either side of Logan, once again sandwiching him in the middle. Logan refuses to meet any of the others' eyes. "Why don't you guys start. What made you come to the conclusion that dearest Logan was kidnapped?" Deceit inquires.

At this, Patton begins: "Well… everyday in the afternoon, we help Thomas out. Normally, Logan is on time, so we were worried when he didn't show up!"

"So we tried to summon him multiple times! But now even Thomas couldn't get through!" Virgil cuts in. "So, we had a feeling something was up. Thomas gets us all into Logan's room, and the state of everything was shocking…"

"It looked like a struggle had gone down! It was horrifying!" Roman explains with his usual dramatic flair.

Patton gulps, "All that we could find of you," he says directly to Logan. "Was your tie… The tie that you never take off…"

"So we jumped to the conclusion that you've been forcefully stolen away. With the lack of information, my mind went racing with awful possibilities…" Virgil looks away, ashamed. "I unintentionally planted the idea that you were kidnapped…"

Logan felt bad for worrying them. He felt bad that they took it out on Remus and Deceit. Hell! He felt bad he left his room in such a disarray! It's all his fault. His fault. His fault. His fault. He was being so selfish to think about himself for once! He should've been better at not having feelings to have hurt in the first place! He should have-

His thoughts go blank of Remus flops down on his lap: head on Deceit's legs as his back rested on Logan. "Do you ever get cognitive distortions?" Remus asks out loud. Although the question was stated in general, Remus stared directly at Logan.

That's right... he should know all about cognitive distortions. He just got carried away. Logan calms himself down.

Deceit turns to Logan, leaning close and asking if Logan wanted to explain his side of the story. He gives Deceit a small nod; he needed to get it off his chest. "I trashed my room in a fit of rage last night," Logan states, not making eye-contact with the others. "Then I left with Deceit in the morning."

"So we freaked out over nothing. Of course!" Roman throws his hands up in the air in exasperation.

That statement crushed Logan. He flinched at Roman's words. Remus shoots up and glares daggers at his twin, letting out a warning growl. Patton and Virgil looked at Roman in shock. Deceit stands up and walks over to the Prince.

"Have you noticed how poorly Logan has been doing lately!? He hisses, pointing an accusing finger at Roman's chest. "Did you know that your friend has been working himself to the point of passing out at his desk!? Cause I sure do! I've had to put him to bed each night because your comments and ignorance have hurt him!"

Logan is shocked. He had no idea that Deceit was the one who moved him each night. Although, looking back with all the information he has now, it seemed like the obvious answer.

"Did you know that he broke down in my arms last night after what you said!?" Deceit twists to glare at Virgil, changing his appearance in the blink of an eye to replicate the anxious side. "And just what would you understand about emotions!? You're just a robot!" Deceit repeats the insult, mimicking it perfectly. Virgil's eyes widen as his previous words slap him in the face.

"In the morning, I offered him a better place, and he accepted."

Roman goes pale, as if just realizing the impact of his words.

"Is it true, Logan?" Patton quietly asks him. The logical side nods, not trusting his voice to keep steady.

Then Virgil pipes up: "As much as I hate to admit it, Deceit was right." All eyes turn to Virgil, urging him on to explain. "Deceit was right about here being a better place for Logan. We've taken him for granted, and now we've lost our chance."

Deceit and Virgil make eye-contact, a silent conversation only the two of them understand. Logan can't understand it, but he has a feeling that Deceit is thankful towards the anxious side.

Patton stands up; "If this is where you want to be, Logan, then I'll trust you and your choice." And then the fatherly side pulls Roman and Virgil up with him. "We'll take our leave now, but, visit us, will you?" Patton asks Logan, voice quiet and soft. Without waiting for an answer, Patton sinks out.

Then Roman steps up, guilt covering every inch of his face. "I should apologize. I know it won't change the past, but I know better… should've known better…" Logan grabs ahold of Roman's hands, silently urging him to continue. "I see now that you were suffering in silence for so long. And if there's one thing my brother is known for, it's for getting his thoughts out there and known," Roman flashes Remus a challenging grin. "You better take care of him!" 

The Prince sinks out, leaving only Virgil to say his farewell. Instead of saying anything, Virgil takes the tie back out of his pocket, handing it back to Logan, but the logical refuses; everybody is caught off guard. "I shouldn't rely on this to be taken seriously. I now understand that this tie was my figurative 'safety blanket' even though it brought more expectations than comfort."

With a soft chuckle, Virgil nods and does the two finger salute as he sinks out. 

Over the course of the next few days, Logan works with Remus and Deceit to rediscover himself.

He writes himself a new schedule.

In the morning, Logan wakes up and gets ready for the day. He sheds the unicorn onesie, dressing up in black slacks and a dark blue turtleneck; his emblem proudly displayed. He leaves his room, greeting Deceit in the kitchen. While Deceit makes breakfast –today it was eggs, toast, and bacon– Logan pulls out three mugs to prepare hot chocolate. A few minutes later, Remus emerges full of chaotic energy. When the food is done, all three of them settle on the couch to watch a movie while they eat.

In the afternoon, Logan is summoned to help Thomas.

This is the first time since switching sides that Logan decides that he is ready to help. He's nervous and excited at the same time. Deceit ruffles his hair; Remus spits out a few facts on how it couldn't be any worse than everything catching on fire and exploding in a gorey mess.

Logan thanks them both for their support; sinking out and rising up in his normal spot. Immediately, Logan is tackled to the ground by an overly-excited Patton and a chorus of happy 'Logan!!!'s. When they both get back up again with the help of Virgil, Roman is the first one to notice his new outfit. "Looking good, Lo," the Prince whistles.

They solve the issue, Logan gets to speak his mind. Thanks to him, the problem is solved faster instead of them dancing around it. They all exit, everyone reminding Logan that they love him. He gets a warm, bubbly feeling in his chest. He spends the rest of the afternoon into early evening working. 

During the evening, Logan is called out for dinner where he spends the rest of the day and early night with Remus and Deceit. They watch movies and play games; Logan and Deceit have a friendly debate; Remus asks Logan different things.

Everyone agrees to have a family night at least once a month where everybody contributes.

Logan goes to bed at night with a calm mind. No longer working himself to the point of passing out, he settles into bed in his unicorn onesie. It's not a perfect ending; everyone still has things they need to work on. His relationship with the others was damaged, but they're all slowly working on fixing them up to be better than before.

Logan closes his eyes as he drifts off to sleep.


End file.
